Motivation

I’m not sure whether it’s because I enjoy being stubborn or something else, but I motivate myself in usual ways.

When I first decided it was time to quit smoking, I decided bullet journaling was my way to cut down and realise what I was actually smoking. After that I alternated between roll-ups and menthols, then menthols to my JUUL, until I eventually got bored and left it in my room. I couldn’t go cold turkey and the idea of cravings drove me crazy enough. This way I was able to wean myself off smoking with ease. It felt great and I was probably the healthiest I’ve been in a very very long time. Unfortunately the move to London was somewhat stressful, I ended up picking the habit again.

Over the first lockdown, I managed to find the time to workout again too, working in Birmingham I didn’t find the time to workout nor the energy to stay healthy. But over lockdown I’d do 30 mins of cardio and another 30 mins jogging around my local park. I had hip dips, a smooth tummy, and I felt as light as a feather. Yet as I returned to work the weight returned ten fold.

There’s countless other things I have tried to accomplish this year, some I’ve managed to keep up but others were abandoned the moment the first lockdown was lifted.

So sometimes It’s hard to feel motivated with goals, the feeling that they’ll just be forgotten at the first opportunity can be incredibly off-putting. Whats the point in losing weight If I’ll just put it all back on? Of course anyone who lives and breathes for kale salad and tasteless smoothies might respond with “well, eat healthy, don’t snack, etc etc etc”. It’s unrealistic, I want to make goals and strive towards things that I know I will maintain and I have the motivation to do so.

Motivation is such a tricky little thing. Once you have it you’re on top of the world, but when you lose it you find solace in a warm duvet and a shitty book. There’s a lot of things I planned to achieve myself this lockdown, but like most I found it hard to feel motivated and work towards the tiny goals that could have made a big difference. The inability to be motivated is a difficult one, but you don’t need to stress yourself if you’re struggling. Baby steps is best, take your time and nurture yourself in the ways that matter to you now.